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Friday's Connector: Kathy Lette

February 16th, 2010
05:12 PM ET

Naughty novelist, Kathy Lette is out swinging with a new book that gives women an inside guide on how to win the man of their dreams and it's aptly called "Men - A Users Guide".

[cnn-photo-caption image= http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2010/images/02/16/kathy.lette.blog.gi.jpg caption ="Kathy Lette promoting her new book."]

The Australian born author has written a number of best selling books - from "Puberty Blues" to Foetal Attraction".

Her unique writing style is both cheeky and thought provoking – a number of her books bring up important questions about feminism, relationships between men and women as well as social status.

Here's your chance to ask Kathy Lette your question.

Do you want to know what her favorite book is? Maybe you want to know her political views? What's her position on feminism today?

Please post your question below

soundoff (49 Responses)
  1. Khan

    Some male are sincere & in love with wife but still they want another women???

    February 16, 2010 at 7:18 pm | Reply
  2. Jeremiah

    First of all, they don't know the reason for marriage. Secondly, they seek for outer beauty more than inner beauty.So when the outer beauty dies, the love for their wives dies. Thirdly, they should be ready to face challenges that tends to weaken the bond of love between themselves, unless it will make them run from their wives and look for another. E.t.c.

    February 17, 2010 at 2:31 pm | Reply
  3. Ogoh chidozie

    Why do women always find pleasure in goin after other men when they ve a faithful husband,and sometimes,they mek a boast about it to their fellow married women.

    February 17, 2010 at 2:34 pm | Reply
  4. Ifeosame onyeka

    Why re young ladies after married men,which they knw that the man is already married with kids. 2. Why is that white ladies like africa man.

    February 17, 2010 at 3:02 pm | Reply
  5. Ifeosame onyeka

    I want to knw if super stars loves themself b4 going into married,cos i read paper here in nigeria abt top stars and so many who force themself into married but end up break it in short while.i ve seen most poor home last in the marriage life.

    February 17, 2010 at 3:09 pm | Reply
  6. Godwin

    Why do most men when they are under pressure, they tend to get hard on those closer to them.

    February 17, 2010 at 4:35 pm | Reply
  7. Lanrry

    Ketthy,i really went to ask when you start as in when u become a novelist

    February 17, 2010 at 5:40 pm | Reply
  8. Alpha Geek

    A Woman marries, thinking that she can change her husband.
    A Man marries, thinking that his wife will never change.

    They are both wrong.

    February 17, 2010 at 5:45 pm | Reply
  9. Jim

    Paul Newman put it perfectly: "Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home?"

    My bet is that the book is going to miss the target in a lot of cases because everyone is different. Probably a better title would be something like "A User's Guide to 34.69% of Men"

    February 17, 2010 at 7:21 pm | Reply
  10. Donald Okunbor

    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife.


    February 17, 2010 at 7:26 pm | Reply
  11. roman

    If she is writing a book titled "Users Guide", that implies someone is using the men, which is in itself the wrong attitude. You can use a callboy or prostitute but if you use your partner your relationship is doomed.

    February 17, 2010 at 7:44 pm | Reply
  12. Jude11

    What men really want is for women to stop asking us what we really want.

    February 17, 2010 at 8:02 pm | Reply
  13. beth

    Jim put it perfectly in an earlier post.

    With the quote from Paul Newman. "Why go after hamburger, when you can have steak at home". I love this.

    February 17, 2010 at 8:53 pm | Reply
  14. rcn1107

    I really don't get it. A man with half a brain can easily figure out what a woman wants, but an incredibly smart woman can't figure out what a man really wants...huh?

    Maybe it's just a smart woman is smart enough to keep herself the only satisfied one and still 'maintain' the relationship.

    February 17, 2010 at 9:26 pm | Reply
  15. Jean-René Toussaint

    Men ? they want that nothing changes to be sure to don't lose their 'pseudo' control... they answer before to hear the question and they judge others while forgetting that most of the time they speak about themselves. In general man are taking a lover to be able to stay with their wife and children... this is the top of how stupid control can be...

    February 17, 2010 at 9:58 pm | Reply
  16. Jean-René Toussaint

    Sorry I forgot... they want absolutely to give pleasure to their partner (who can take it themselves) and are afraid when a woman is leading the love ritual, wanting to be taken by their own need

    February 17, 2010 at 10:01 pm | Reply
  17. Jean-René Toussaint

    another good one : a man and a woman .. face to face... she says to him: I want to tell you.... I love you... the man, wet eyes answer her.... I love myself too....

    February 17, 2010 at 10:12 pm | Reply
  18. Matt

    seems like the book would be more credible if it were written by a man...Kathy, stick to your own gender please. i know what i want, and its not another book about what i want

    February 17, 2010 at 10:19 pm | Reply
  19. driveduster

    From the article I take it this book is tongue-in-cheek.
    For those of you with a serious comment and sincerely looking for the answers the book I suggest is Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by Dr. John Gray ISBN 0-06-016848-X (cloth). It works better if you read (and apply) before your relationship goes south.

    February 17, 2010 at 10:37 pm | Reply
  20. Terrence

    Looking at men's behavior from an evolutionary reproductive scheme, men's wanting of more then one mate makes perfect sense.

    Women however would prefer their "caveman" to stick around and protect the family.

    However, things are changing and discipline may be required for both genders to get along well.

    February 17, 2010 at 10:46 pm | Reply
  21. maria

    Men want sex and food.

    February 17, 2010 at 11:17 pm | Reply
  22. Happily Married!

    The grass is always greener!!!!

    There aren't many species in this world that keep one life partner... why do humans HAVE to be different?

    The trick is to make everything happy and fun (even stressful things)... and communicate!

    February 17, 2010 at 11:28 pm | Reply
  23. Mike

    Men and women will never grasp each other because by the time they might have the slightest understanding of their other half, circumstances change their parners and everyone is back to square one. Just love who are you with and like learning, know that you will never be done understanding.

    February 17, 2010 at 11:36 pm | Reply
  24. Zac

    Men are very similar to women. A lot of things that get lost between the two are due to social norms. A woman may feel its not womanly to say or do something, like talk about sex if there is a problem and vica versa with guys, they think its not manly to talk about their feelings. Its why they say to that the best type of marriage is where your also best friends. Because you can talk to each other and understand each other. Communication is key. Trust as well. As for stuff like cheating, both genders do it but i suppose for different reasons maybe. With girls, they attach sex with love a lot more than guys do i suppose. Which is why when a girl knows his man is cheating on her, she thinks its because he doesn't love her anymore. whereas a guy will just think she's a slut or something... idk, this is what i've found anyway...

    February 18, 2010 at 12:46 am | Reply
  25. sun

    i want to know why men are changed after marriage. they too much loved their girlfriend when dating. but after marriage they look like different person. what they did on dating is fake?????

    February 18, 2010 at 12:47 am | Reply
  26. H. B.

    Truth be told, the "wrong reasons" exist on both sides. It isn't fair to only diss the males. Infidelity is a character flaw, in either sex. There are some extremely magnificent men; we just don't have nearly enough of them. Bad attitudes do tend to be more common in men.

    It isn't just men who "fall in love" over someone's looks. Men are more visually-oriented, though, so they are probably more intense about it.

    I think there IS a basic flaw in our culture, one that men go for bigtime. It is the attitude of "f***ing", which requires the man to feel only lust, without love, and then to feel proud of it, as though rutting around is some kind of validation of masculinity. To most men, women are there so they can "get off." Many even boast of the women they've "knocked up," and how they escaped paternity responsibilities. And tho some may say it's done by blacks, the real truth is that it's endemic among all American males.

    Women know, well enough, that most men can't bother themselves to learn how to make love, to learn how to give the woman her own completion before taking his own. The majority tend to do little more than climb on and climb off. Then ask, "was it good for you?" They shouldn't need to ask; they should have made it their business to know it was good for her before making it good for themselves. Besides which, the men who only do the "minute waltz" with their partners are cheating themselves of some fantastic sensual stimulations.

    But doing that is hard to expect from American males, especially when they're embedded in a culture where love – the real kind, not based on looks, fame, fortune, etc. – is regarded as silly. Women don't regard love as silly, but few of them know the real thing, either.

    In our culture, neither gender really knows how to love someone "for the right reasons." Or how to wait until someone loves them for those same "right reasons." The cheap reasons lead to boredom fairly quickly, especially in those who think they're entitled to instant gratification, and if their present partner isn't all that exciting any more, that's reason enough to cheat. Women do this, but men do it more.

    Those men who DO know how to fulfill a woman tend to be irresistible to women – naturally – but there's a strong tendency among them to be playboys, simply because they KNOW they're desirable in bed. They can get a woman's devotion without having to earn it, so why bother?

    Women can't usually separate love from sex, but men can do it easily. A woman who passes herself around a lot is a "slut," but when a man does the same thing, he's a "stud." And WOMEN fall into that trap as easily as men do, so they help perpetuate the lousy attitudes in our cultures.

    We have attitudes that need some serious changing.

    Kids need thorough sex education, given at the stages of their youth when they have the capacity to understand. Part of that means letting them know how precious it is when you choose to share your body with someone else. It is the finest gift you have to give to a partner with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. If you've handed it out to a lot of others, it is no longer precious, nor is it a gift any more. It has been cheapened.

    And this is true of BOTH males and females. Both commonly cheapen sex, and so have nothing truly remarkable and unique to offer to a life partner.

    Kids don't need religious taboos to learn how to behave sexually in a responsible manner; they only need to realize that this ONE AND ONLY gift for a life partner is too precious to spread around like mayonnaise. And when they DO find that partner, both should make it their business to know how to pleasure the other, fully – and be willing to make the effort.

    Marriage for the right reasons is more stable, because those reasons outlast the cheap ones. The love is there for more than looks, fame, fortune or other short-term, shallow attribute.

    If you love someone for their kindness, their generosity of spirit, their courage in facing life's troubles, etc., that love sticks. Superficial "temptations" have far less impact.

    February 18, 2010 at 1:40 am | Reply
  27. Nathan

    Why think, talk, read and write about romance? Why not just DO romance? Tell us why you aren't trying to exploit others' neuroses for financial gain. Tell us what good your writing honestly does for people. If your writing does do anyone any good, how is that good sufficient to warrant purchasing your book? Wouldn't it be cheaper just to commiserate with others, others whose practical knowledge is apt to be no less perfect than yours?

    February 18, 2010 at 1:43 am | Reply
  28. El Jefe

    Guys, go to Ukraine or Czech republic or Russia. The ratio of beautiful women to men is much higher than in the west. Stay away from the Cougars, White Devils, women who want a Mrs. Degree, or these men with femal reproductive organs, etc... only recipe for misery, and all laid at our feet by western society, feminism and the media. Do we really need this distraction from our daily fare of "bread and games" on TV????? Does it have to be said yet again?????

    February 18, 2010 at 2:26 am | Reply
  29. Rith

    Why does a pretty and well-educated woman need a rich man?

    February 18, 2010 at 3:19 am | Reply
  30. Samantha

    Why don't men ever sit back and ask themselves what they want out of a relationship and what kind of woman they want to marry? and then go out and find that?
    Instead they seem to just date whomever's hot and then 3 years later realize they're leading her on, and finagle out of the relationship.

    February 18, 2010 at 4:26 am | Reply

    Do you believe in God?

    February 18, 2010 at 5:05 am | Reply
  32. Geo

    All men are born stupid... and very few of us ever get over it. Sorry to say this, but you gotta learn to live with it, girls. Otherwise you're doomed to a life of disappointment.

    February 18, 2010 at 5:12 am | Reply
  33. lilu

    love is not all part of women, just enjoy the happy time is enough, why so many women need men' heart, the answer is they put her whole life to the men , they do not want to lose.

    February 18, 2010 at 5:39 am | Reply
  34. kosim alege


    February 18, 2010 at 6:09 am | Reply
  35. Troll

    "Men want sex and food." Definitely up there. It's still ridiculous, trying to answer such a vague, flexible question to which any answer can be supported. It's not as if men have a secret list tattooed on the back of the left knee of what they want, ranked by priority and agreed upon by all other men. Most people don't even know what they themselves want, much less the general goals an entire gender. Though at the moment, I would like new headphones.

    February 18, 2010 at 6:17 am | Reply
  36. James

    If you can barely speak English, why would you want to know how someone became a novelist? Maybe try this in your native language first.

    February 18, 2010 at 6:26 am | Reply
  37. Mary

    Religions allow a man to have multiple wives at a time not without a reason. Some men are weak, deficient in one way or another, lead destructive lives, and therefore not worthy of a husband. The remaining good men, though married, therefore are in a position to care for more women. The attraction for an already married man (from a woman) or another moman (from a married man) is natural.

    February 18, 2010 at 6:54 am | Reply
  38. pinky kitty

    i m pretty sure the author has her way to sell her books, all books out there r for us to read n analyse, not to follow 100% coz all of us has different approach n experiences, in fact not every relationship ends because of 3rd party, but i do think one thing for sure,. never ever take your partner for granted

    February 18, 2010 at 11:10 am | Reply
  39. Ayo

    Once a man knows wat he wants,know charming lady can force her way on him....,dat is 2 say no amount "USERS GUARD" can make u win a man's HRT.

    February 18, 2010 at 8:56 pm | Reply
  40. Okupa

    Why do women lie just to make their husband think they are angels

    February 19, 2010 at 3:27 pm | Reply
  41. Falode Isaac.

    How can i know the girl that loves me truly and not because of my money?

    February 19, 2010 at 3:42 pm | Reply
  42. yusuf

    why do some women pick famous guy on the street no the one tht love them truly

    February 19, 2010 at 8:18 pm | Reply
  43. fadare f eniola

    hi kathy hw cn sm1 create a relationship, develop and stand firmly by it

    February 19, 2010 at 10:34 pm | Reply
  44. Bukky 4real

    1.how can i know d real love?.2.what are d things that boys we see in d life of girls to kw whether she is a responsible girl or not?

    February 19, 2010 at 10:42 pm | Reply
  45. Greatbabs1

    Wishing to know you better

    February 20, 2010 at 1:19 pm | Reply
  46. Prince E A

    Its a fact that both men and women do pretend but for whwtever reasons, its hamfull to any relationship. Honesty must remian the foundation on which true love is build. As for me I will like my wife to be obedient and soft to me all the time, looking for every chance to satisfy me sexually and updating herself in it and in dressing too so to look younger than her age for me as her friend. For such a woman I'll go the extra mile in all faithfulness, service, in providing, and protection. No man will stay with a selfish and dificult wife. I would rather stay where am selebrated than where am tolorated.

    February 20, 2010 at 7:07 pm | Reply
  47. Chidiebere solomon

    I think that God who created man knew that only thing man needed was a woman, so blame men less for their action. Even Adam lost friendship with God because of a WOMAN.Its in the blood. Though some men pretend they are faithful. I hate pretence

    February 20, 2010 at 10:28 pm | Reply
  48. Peter

    Yes i believe in God cos he 's our creator beside stil d author nd finisher of our faith.he created us by his own image.

    February 22, 2010 at 5:25 am | Reply
  49. Queeneth allison

    I tnk men are geneally cheats in nature,even when u try to make them happy,the'll still keep affairs out there.

    February 23, 2010 at 9:23 am | Reply

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